Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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