But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
