She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
