mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if only i could text you this smell
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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