Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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