Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
