I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
