I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
