Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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