the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
