Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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