I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
