i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
