my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
