I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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