i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
