When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
