Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
