69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
