is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
