I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
should my penis look like a turkey
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
