remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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