I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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