Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
