Betty ford says i'm here all night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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