K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
