Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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