did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me I should be a condom model.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
