My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
