my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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