Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
