sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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