I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
