dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
