If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
