in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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