somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
