We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize