He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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