I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
