Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I won the penis lottery.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
