why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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