and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
