I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
