Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
