So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
