Non-Jews are for practice
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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