Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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