Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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