Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
