Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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