Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
