Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
