Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
