I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
