no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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