I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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